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A little old lady called 911. When the operator answered she yelled, "Help! Send the police to my house right away!
There’s a damned republican on my front porch and he’s playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed!
"I said there is a damned republican on my front porch playing with himself! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Ma’am, how do you know he’s a republican?"
"Because, you damned fool, if he were a democrat, he’d be screwing somebody."