Top 5 Best Redhead Jokes

Current Rating: 3.4

Differences Between Good Girls and Redheads

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Redheads make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls wax their floors.
Redheads wax their bikini lines.

Good girls blush during sex scenes in a movie.
Redheads know they could do it better.

Good girls wear white cotton panties.
Redheads don't wear any.

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
Redheads think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
Redheads only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls pack their toothbrush.
Redheads pack their diaphragms.

Good girls wear high heels to work.
Redheads wear high heels to bed.

Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have sex.
Redheads think no place is the wrong place.

Good girls prefer the missionary position.
Redheads do too, but only for starters.

Good girls say 'no'.
Redheads say 'when?'

Good girls say "Thanks for a wonderful dinner."
Redheads say, "What's for breakfast?"

Good girls keep a diary.
Redheads don't have time.

Good girls love Italian food.
Redheads love Italian waiters.

Good girls will apologize, brown nose and kiss YOUR ass.
Redheads will tell ya to kiss my lily, white ass.

Current Rating: 3.4

Redhead - A Chemical Analysis

Element: Redhead
Symbol: RH
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer: It's debatable, some say Adam, but we now know, that only God could discover something so perfect!
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.

Physical Properties

1. Surface usually covered with minimal painted film. As a rule, not necessary.
2. Boils at everything, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
5. Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Chemical Properties

1. Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
4. Reactive in liquids, even more, increased activity when saturated in alcohol.
5. Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
6. Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

Uses

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can greatly improve hormonal levels.
3. Can warm and comfort under certain circumstances.
4. Incapable of cooling things down, when it's too hot.

Tests

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Caution

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
2. Illegal to possess more than one.

Current Rating: 3.29

A redheaded woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw.

The husband terrified, screamed, "STOP!! STOP!! You're NOT going to... to cut it off, ARE YOU?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, laid down the hacksaw within her husbands reach and said "Nope. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

Current Rating: 3.28

A young man marrying a redhead asked his father for some marital advice.

The father said, "Just remind her who wears the pants in your family."

The evening arrived, the new husband tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here put these on."

She did and said "I don't fit into these." "That's right!" he said, "and don't you forget who wears the pants in this family!"

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He looked at them and said, "I can't get into your panties!"

She said, "That's right - and you won't until your attitude changes!"

Current Rating: 3.28

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp.

He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive my car there?"

The genie laughed , "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete-how much steel! And the maintenance of that bridge! No - think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.

Finally, he said, "I'm married to a redhead. So, I wish that I could understand her... know how she feels inside and what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment...... know what she really wants when she says 'nothing'... know how to make her truly happy......I want to know how she can be so damn sexy one second and be the devils daughter, the next. I really want to understand her and how she thinks!"

The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"