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Top 5 Best Lawyer Jokes

Here are the current Top 5 Best Lawyer Jokes based on YOUR votes.
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Current Rating: 3.59

A fella calls his lawyer's office on Monday morning and says "This is Mr. Murphy, let me talk to my lawyer."

The receptionist says "I'm terribly sorry Mr. Murphy, but your lawyer had a massive heart attack over the weekend and died."

Mr. Murphy says "Oh, OK" and hangs up.

An hour later he calls back and says "This is Mr. Murphy, let me talk to my lawyer."

The receptionist again tells him "I'm terribly sorry Mr. Murphy, but I told you that your lawyer had a massive heart attack over the weekend and died."

Mr. Murphy says "Oh, OK" and hangs up again

Abouty a half hour later Mr. Murphy calls back and says, "This is Mr. Murphy, let me talk to my lawyer."

The receptionist gets angry and says "What is wrong with you, I have told you twice that your lawyer had a massive heart attack over the weekend and died."

Mr. Murphy says "I know, I just like to hear it"

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Current Rating: 3.54

The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, 'Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working on for ten years!'

His father responded: 'You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for ten years!'

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Current Rating: 3.48

A prominent lawyer's son dreamed of following in his father's footsteps. After graduating from college and law school with honors, he returned home to join his father's firm, intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney.

At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, 'Father, father! The Smith case, that you always said would go on forever -- the one you have been toiling on for ten years -- in one single day, I settled that case and saved the client a fortune!'

His father frowned, and scolded his son, 'I did not say that it would go on forever, son. I said that it could go on forever. When you saw me toiling on that case for days and weeks at a time, didn't it ever occur to you that I was billing by the hour?'

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Current Rating: 3.46

A lawyer and two friends--a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man--had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, 'There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn.'

'No problem,' chimed the Rabbi. 'My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for one evening.' With that he departed to the barn, and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn. 'What's wrong?' asked the farmer. He replied, 'I am grateful to you, but I just can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal.'

His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door. 'What's wrong?' the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, 'I, too, am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn. In my country cows are considered sacred and I can't sleep on holy ground!'

That left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

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Current Rating: 3.44

Did you hear about the new parachutes designed especially for lawyers? They open automatically on impact!

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