Top 5 Best Hunting Jokes

Current Rating: 3.25

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water.

The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

Current Rating: 3.21

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and none could dispute that. But then he said they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal’s skin from it’s feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber bullet it was that killed the animal.

The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on.

They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "ringbrook." Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right.

They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion. Shot with a .416 rifle." He was right again.

Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep.

The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?"

His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, "Skunk, killed with an axe."

Current Rating: 3.16

A duck hunter is out trying to kill a duck, so he can take it home and feed his family. After several hours, with no luck, the hunter gets back in his jeep and heads home. On the way, he spots a flock of ducks flying over a farmhouse. He gets out of his truck and shoots the biggest one which lands in the farmers yard. The hunter leaps over the fence to pick up his duck. He's twenty feet away from the duck when he hears the farmer yell "hey, that's my duck."

"No, no," says the hunter, "I just shot it."

"No matter," says the farmer, "it landed on my farm."

They argue for a while then the farmer suggests that they settle their dispute the country way. "How's that," asks the hunter. The farmer says that they have to take it in turns to jerk each other off and whoever cums in the shortest time loses.

The hunter begins, ten minutes later, the farmer cums. "OK," says the hunter, "now it's your turn."

"Never mind," says the farmer, "you can keep the duck."

Current Rating: 3.16

One morning a husband awoke and decided he wanted to go duck hunting. He woke his wife and told her, "You have three choices, either go duck hunting with me, let me fuck you up the ass, or give me a blow job. I have to run out get the dog, and load up the truck. You had better decide by the time I get back."

He returned after a while, and said to his wife, "Well, what have you decided to do?"

To which she replied, "Well, I sure don't want to go duck hunting, and I'm sure the hell not going to let you fuck me up the ass, so I guess I'll give you a blow job."

She begins to suck on his dick, and all the sudden stops and begins spitting and choking.

He said to her, "What's the problem?"

She replies, "SHIT! My god, your dick tastes like shit!"

He replied, "Oh yeah, the dog didn't want to go duck hunting either."

Current Rating: 3.07

Red Neck Stew

The US Department of the Interior had to change the wording on the metal bands they used to tag migratory birds. Seems these bands used to have the address of the Washington Biological Survey abbreviated as "Wash. Biol. Surv." One day they received a letter from a hunter in Alabama:

Dear Sirs:
Last week I shot one of your birds. It might have been a crow. I followed the cooking directions on the leg tag. Let me tell you, It was AWFUL!

The bands are now marked "Fish and Wildlife Service."