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Top 5 Best Clinton Jokes

Here are the current Top 5 Best Clinton Jokes based on YOUR votes.
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Current Rating: 3.26

One day in the future, Bill Clinton has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don’t know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let you decide who leaves."

Clinton thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Bill said. "I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day long."

So the devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Bill.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Clinton saw Jesse Jackson lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Clinton took this in in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you’re free to go!"

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Current Rating: 3.25

President Bill Clinton was visiting an elementary school today, and when he visited one of the 4th grade classes, they were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So, our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend, who lives next door, was playing in the street, and a car came along and ran over him. That would be a tragedy."

"No," said Clinton, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand. "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone in the bus, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the President. "That we would call a great loss."

The room grew silent. No other children would volunteer an answer.

President Clinton searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, in the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice, he said, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Clinton, were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Clinton. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well, " said the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss!"

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Current Rating: 3.25

President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They’d spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out.

"The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."

President Clinton frowned. "Russian roulette’s not a friendly nice game."

The African leader smiled. "That’s why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you’ll have to play. I’ll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently , nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton.

This gained Clinton’s immediate attention, and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "How on earth is this related to Russian roulette?"

The African leader said "One of them is a cannibal."

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Current Rating: 3.21

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car.

The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t - the cow was killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.

About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily.

"What happened?" asked Hillary.

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied: ’I’m Hillary Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the cow.’

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Current Rating: 3.14

Chelsea Clinton went off to college and came back home for the holidays. Hillary was quite happy to see her daughter and pressed her for information about college.

"So, are you enjoying college, dear?" she asked.

Chelsea nodded vigorously.

"And are there boys in college?" Hillary questioned.

Once again, Chelsea nodded with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

Hillary, unable to resist and curious about her daughter’s activities, went on to ask, "And are you having sex with these boys?"

Chelsea burst out laughing. After a moment, she straightened, stared into her mother’s eyes, and said, "Not according to Dad."

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