Home
Random Jokes
Submit a Joke
Jokes by Email
Webmasters
spacer image

Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

Top 30 Chuck Norris Facts based on how YOU rate them.
Don't agree with these votes? Be sure to rate as many of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as you can.
The more you rate, the more input you have on this list!
You can also get 30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.

Return to Best Jokes



Current Rating: 3.19

For Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick is not a signature move, it's just the closest he can come to his high school cheerleading days, which he misses sorely.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.12

Chuck Norris was seen running out of Jenny Craig crying because his strict diet of Tony Danza's spunk didn't work.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.1

Chuck Norris was once invited back to his high school to speak at a graduation. Upon his arrival, Screech, Slater, Kelly, Lisa, and Jesse said, "That's not Zack Morris, that's Chuck Norris!" Mr. Belding broke the bad news to the class that Zack would not be attending the graduation, then delivered a roundhouse kick to Chuck Norris and sent him to detention.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.1

If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.1

Chuck Norris masturbates furiously in a corner whenever he sees a Bowflex commercial.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.09

Chuck Norris uses live rattlesnakes as condoms. Tiny, baby rattlesnakes.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.09

Chuck Norris is so gay, when he got to Brokeback auditions he handed the other actors a 12" dildo pulled down his pants and asked who was first.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.08

During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.08

Chuck Norris puts dye in his beard because he is afraid of grey hairs.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.06

Chuck Norris injects steroids into his upper lip, so that it can bare the weight of his mustache.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.03

Chuck Norris has to wear a helmet to every meal, not because he is special, but because Christie Brinkley loses her temper when the airplane is not allowed to land.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.03

Chuck Norris won't suck one, but he will hold it in his mouth until it goes soft.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.02

Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his butthole is extremely loose.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 3.01

Chuck Norris is wanted for raping 10 different men during last year's Carnival celebration in Brazil. The United States has refused the Brazilian extradition request.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.99

The chief import of Chuck Norris is cock.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.99

Chuck Norris fears the Mach 4 razor. He wishes it had softer and fewer blades.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.99

Chuck Norris has a signed poster of Vin Diesel directly above his bed. Sadly, Chuck Norris does not realize that the signature is a mass-produced mechanical replica.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.97

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he looks in his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck's ass is still sore from the last time he was found.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.96

Chuck Norris' DNA is made up of four leaf clovers, unicorns, and smiles.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.95

Chuck Norris lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.95

Chuck Norris masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. Too bad Chuck Norris is a guy.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.95

If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a pussy."

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.95

Chuck Norris cried after 15 minutes on the IGN Vestibule.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.94

Chuck Norris once became popular for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.94

If Chuck Norris has fucked every woman in the world, then he has done his own mom.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.94

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies that you might kill something. Chuck Norris goes bird watching.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.93

Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.93

Stephen Hawking once beat Chuck Norris in a foot race.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.93

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


Current Rating: 2.92

Chuck Norris has the ultimate World of Warcraft character! But he joins parties and leaves halfway through and always causes guild drama.

Email Joke to as many as five friends


 spacer image