Random 24 Jack Bauer Facts
Return to Best Jokes
Pee Wee Herman was arrested for jacking off in public. That same day Jack Bauer was awarded the silver star for jacking off on a roller coaster while shooting a terrorist with his other hand.
Jack Bauer's blood type is testosterone.
When Jack Bauer attended sniper school, they changed the motto to "One shot, one hundred kills."
Jack Bauer could go see Brokeback Mountain and no one would look at him funny.
If the hospital in Grey's Anatomy had called Jack Bauer instead of the bomb squad, the episode would be over in five minutes.
Walt Cummings really had read Jack Bauer's file, that's why he killed himself.
Jack Bauer does not use a keycard, the doors open in sheer terror.
When David Palmer took the oath of office, he raised his right hand and placed his left hand on Jack Bauer.
Pi runs on forever in fear of Jack Bauer.
Nothing could get in the middle of Jack Bauer. Not even a middle name.
Jack Bauer did not actually need to hold his breath to avoid the nerve gas; He just pretended he was vulnerable to fool Lynn McGill into doing his work for him, then causing him to die afterwards.
Superman once hid behind Jack Bauer in a fire-fight.
If Jack Bauer asks you to trust him you are compelled by your DNA to do what he says.
One hour after being conceived, Jack Bauer was born. Jack never takes more than an hour to get out of a hole.
Jack Bauer fakes orgasms, nothing excites him more than killing.
Jack Bauer has more lives than Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, B, A, Start.
A bird in hand is better than two in the bush. Jack Bauer never heard this before. He ate all three birds.
Jack Bauer made the Bermuda Triangle disappear.
Jack Bauer once killed a Muslim and took his towel to wipe the sweat off his balls.
Jack Bauer can score a three pointer from inside the key.
Jack Bauer has died twice. That's also a real fact.
Jack Bauer's Guidance Counselor once asked him what he wanted to do with his life. Bauer told him what his plans were for life after high school, but then he had to kill him.
Tazing Jack Bauer is like tickling him with a feather.