Random 24 Jack Bauer Facts
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Jack Bauer knows why the Mona Lisa is smiling.
When Chuck Norris files his taxes, he sends in a blank return and a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. This year, however, the IRS sent him back a picture of Jack Bauer wearing his dark sunglasses. The next day, Chuck Norris pled guilty to multiple counts of tax evasion.
Jack Bauer drinks hydrogen. When he goes to take a sip of water the oxygen disassociates.
Remember those times when there were two sets of footprints in the sand? That was when Jack Bauer didn't feel like carrying you.
When Jack Bauer played the Wacky Gopher game as a kid the gopher's would never come out of their holes.
Jack Bauer can unhook your bra while blindfolded and handcuffed to a pole.
Jack Bauer can assemble the entire contents of an IKEA store without instructions or an alan key.
Rambo: First Blood Part II is actually footage of Jack Bauer's 2nd grade field trip.
Don't challenge Jack Bauer in a eye starring contest, he has not yet blinked once in his life.
Jack Bauer doesn't get full from the Taco Bell Dollar Menu.
On Valentines Day, Jack Bauer likes to watch "Saw" with his girlfriend. When asked why, he said he finds it "soothing and sweet."
If the hospital in Grey's Anatomy had called Jack Bauer instead of the bomb squad, the episode would be over in five minutes.
Jack Bauer invented Everclear because Listerine wasn't good enough to gargle.
Jack Bauer holds two world records. In a 24 hour period, he has a) killed the most people and b) delivered the most justice.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
You know Jesus is really mad at you when he says "Jack Damnit!"
As a boy for his birthday Jack Bauer's parents showed him how to play the game pin the bullet to the head. He hasn't stopped playing it since.
The real reason whales beach themselves? Jack Bauer occasionally goes swimming.
Jack Bauer is the only government employee that has the 24 hours on and two years off work schedule.
Jack Bauer doesn't pay rent. People pay Jack to live in their buildings.
Jack Bauer once grew a beard to rival that of Chuck Norris. In the only episode of 24 where Jack has that beard, he shot a man through his heart and cut his head off. He then shaved that beard to show up Chuck. What has your beard done lately, Norris?
Jack Bauer prefers windows...doors are for women, children, and people he kicks through them.
Direct eye contact with Jack Bauer is not advised, unless you do not fear death. In that case, prepare to die.