Random 24 Jack Bauer Facts
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Jack Bauer always gets checkmate in one move.
Jack's Bauer's balls are the gravitational foundation of physics. They store more mass than Jupiter, Saturn, and 10 black holes combined.
When the kids born in the twenty first century grow up they will not have heroes, but rather Jack Bauers. Jack Bauer is the only hero.
Jack Bauer is the reason Churchill and Stalin sat down with Roosevelt.
Jack Bauer is always in Chuck Norris' blind spot.
Jack Bauer likes only one thing about working for CTU: free ammo.
Jack Bauer can do the Moonwalk on water.
Freddy and Jason disappointed millions of fans when their fight ended up in a tie. Little do these fans know, the winner was supposed to face Jack Bauer.
If you ever need a country annihilated, call Jack Bauer and tell him that Kim was kidnapped and killed there.
G.I. Joe has Jack Bauer action figures.
Zeus is the Greek word for 'Jack Bauer'.
Deathly afraid of Jack Bauer, Minute Rice will fully cook itself in 15 seconds flat.
Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
Jack Bauer was able to eliminate Bird Flu playing Duck Hunt.
Jack Bauer uses those he has killed as tax write offs.
Jack Bauer was once at a club and was asked if he could break dance. Minutes later the dance floor was littered with broken bodies.
It is said that the tears of Chuck Norris can cure cancer, except Chuck Norris never crys. Upon hearing this Jack Bauer said, "well see." and left with a pair of jumper cables in hand. Two minuets later he returned and said, "Wrong on both counts."
Jack Bauer has read 3 Tom Clancy novels, 2 of which he reenacted during a weekend away.
Jack Bauer is the MacGiver of torture.
Ariel Sharon did not have a stroke. He heard Jack was looking for him and his brain exploded.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
Anytime, anywhere, anyone shoots someone in the thigh, they have to pay a royalty to Jack Bauer.
Edgar Stiles had sex with seven different women last night by simply invoking Jack Bauer's name.