Random 24 Jack Bauer Facts
Return to Best Jokes
Jack Bauer has never used a Lifeline on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire."
Deathly afraid of Jack Bauer, Minute Rice will fully cook itself in 15 seconds flat.
If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
To Jack Bauer, the "quicker, picker upper" is when you capture, bind and torture the Brawny paper towel man, making him clean up the mess.
Jack didn't shoot Ira Gaines because he was pulling a gun on him. Jack shot him because he said "good luck", which implied the possibility of failure.
Jack Bauer is the one who actually brought about the collapse of the USSR. He is known to the Russians as "Jakhail Bauerbachev".
Jack would never have given up the wet list... no one takes potential kills away from Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer always exercises inside his target heart rate.
Jack Bauer really enjoys a good steak. When he is asked how he wants it prepared, Jack simply walks into the kitchen and takes a bite out of the cow. He then returns to his seat and dabs his face with the napkin. This is usually followed by a Snapple.
Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
When Bush says that we will find weapons of mass destruction, you know he is lying. If Jack does not want to be found he won't be found.
Even though Jack Bauer isn't big and green, don't make him angry. You won't like him when he is angry.
Jack Bauer knows who number 2 works for.
Jack Bauer did not actually need to hold his breath to avoid the nerve gas; He just pretended he was vulnerable to fool Lynn McGill into doing his work for him, then causing him to die afterwards.
It was once believed that Jack Bauer actually lost a fight to a terrorist, but that is a lie, created by Jack himself to lure more terrorists to him. Terrorists never were very smart.<br />
Wolverine tried to stab Jack Bauer with his claws once. Wolverine's claws now come out of somewhere other than his hands.
When Jack Bauer does push-ups he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.
In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around?
There once was a terrorist cell planning an attack on United States soil. CTU got wind of this and naturally sent Jack Bauer to "recon" the base and call for additional reinforcements if needed. Upon arrival at said encampment, Jack saw that the head terrorists were in one room planning a biological attack. Chuckling to himself, Jack fired one bullet. Just one. That fateful bullet bounced off the walls killing all inside. Pleased with himself for saving ammunition, Jack returned to CTU and savaged the summer intern in situation room 1.
Three terrorists committed suicide at Guantanamo Bay when they heard Jack Bauer was coming to interrogate the prisoners.
Jack Bauer once shot off a man's penis during an interrogation. He later apologized, not realizing that regular men only have one penis.
Jack Bauer touches raw chicken and doesn't wash his hands.
Jack Bauer's interpretation of the meaning of life is simple. End it.