Random 24 Jack Bauer FactsRandom 24 Jack Bauer Facts Return to Best Jokes Anything is a weapon of mass destruction in the hands of Jack Bauer. When Jack Bauer attended sniper school, they changed the motto to "One shot, one hundred kills." On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence. Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants. Jack Bauer doesn't fear death. You can tell because he drives a Ford. Mulder and Scully left the X-Files too soon. They would've realized that the truth is Jack Bauer. Wolverine tried to stab Jack Bauer with his claws once. Wolverine's claws now come out of somewhere other than his hands. Jack Bauer cried in his car like a little girl. However he killed 782 people before this and therefore is a man. Never use the phrase, "I feel half dead," around Jack Bauer; he never leaves a job unfinished. If you meet anyone who's an optimist, they have obviously never met Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer can type 90 words per minute. On his cell phone. Jack Bauer irons his own clothes... while he's wearing them. Jack Bauer tried to play dodge ball once, but ended up shooting each of his opponents nine times in the chest with what he considered to be, "a defensive maneuver." When Jack Bauer says jump, you don't have time to ask how high. Jack Bauer was never taught to use his "indoor voice". Jack Bauer is uncircumcised. Baby Jack stabbed the doctor in the neck for daring to come near his penis. The Kool Aid Man once broke into Jack Bauer's living room shouting "OH YEAH." After fixing the hole in Jack Bauer's wall, he was never seen again. The stock market value for the Hawaiian Punch corporation has since tripled. Jack Bauer would have died for our sins, but Jack doesn't die for pussies. Jack Bauer is old fashioned. He doesn't kiss a girl until her third kidnapping. Daylight savings time was created to give Jack Bauer an extra hour one day a year with which to kill terrorists Kim is an Ashlee Simpson fan. It's the only reason she is on the radio. Only Jack Bauer knows whats going to happen at the end of Day 5. In order to keep it a secret, he killed Keifer Sutherland. Jack Bauer can barbecue in airplane lavatories. |
