30 Random Chuck Norris Facts
Return to Best Jokes
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.
There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience
The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Chuck Norris
In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for Balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.