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30 Random Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Chuck Norris Facts
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If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.



As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.



Chuck Norris won a gold medal in the 1984 Olympic Winter Games. While in Los Angeles.


Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits


The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.



The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.



Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.



The 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' are more accurately: Chuck Norris' right hand, left hand, right foot, and left foot.


When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.



Only Chuck Norris can win a Connect 4 game in 3 moves.


When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.



Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.



Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.



Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.



Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.



Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.



Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.


Chuck Norris doesn't pay income tax to the IRS. The IRS pays "still breathing" tax to Chuck Norris.


Chuck Noris is God.The reason he's on Earth is to see how many of us he's gonna roundhouse kick us to Hell.


Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.



What many people don't know is chuck Norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.



When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.



Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.



Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.


Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.



Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.


Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.



Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.



Chuck Norris can hear Silence


Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.



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