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30 Random Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Chuck Norris Facts
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Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree black belt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris... the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.

For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

Chuck Norris seasons his steaks with pepper spray.

The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco sauce instead of Visine.

Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.

Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.

Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.

Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

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