30 Random Chuck Norris Facts
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris climbed Mt. Everest barefoot - carrying two Sherpas on his back.
The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris Halloween costume he was wearing.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more "Missing in Action" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris successfully separated twins conjoined at the head by roundhouse kicking them in the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.
Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
Chuck Norris can read lips- with his eyes closed.
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
Droid does, but Chuck Norris already did
For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.
Chuck Norris is the only person ever to beat a concrete wall in a game of tennis.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
How many Chuck Norris’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. The light bulb would screw itself in out of fear.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.
The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a wife, he has a slave.