30 Random Chuck Norris Facts30 Random Chuck Norris Facts Return to Best Jokes Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors. Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. Medusa looked at Chuck Norris and she turned to stone. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Chuck Norris Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy. The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris. Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class. When God said let there be light, Chuck Norris opened the curtains. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. Guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people. Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about. Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow. Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel. It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris needs a monkey wrench and a blowtorch to masturbate. Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. |
