30 Random Chuck Norris Facts
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MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Milk never expires for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
Chuck Norris taught the creator of the piano how to play it.
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
How many Chuck Norris’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. The light bulb would screw itself in out of fear.
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
Chuck Norris can stick a CD up his ass and burn data onto it
Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.
The best gift to give Chuck Norris is something he doesn't have, which is, well... virginity
Chuck Norris can cut diamonds using his thumb.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
The only man Google can't find is Chuck Norris.
What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division".
Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.
Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.