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30 Random Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Chuck Norris Facts
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MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.



Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.


Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.



On the seventh day of creation the Lord asked Chuck Norris if he could take a break


Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.



4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.



Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.



Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.


When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.



The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.



Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.



James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.



Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian.


There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.



Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.



Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.


Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.



The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.



Chuck Norris can bench press himself.


Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.



182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.



People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris... Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.


Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.



When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.



Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"



Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris... the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.


If you are stuck on a test and you don't know the answer to a question, write in Chuck Norris. The answer is always Chuck Norris.


Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.



Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.


If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.



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