30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts Return to Best Jokes Chuck Norris voted Bush in the 2000 election. Chuck Norris' iPod has "Princess" written in Swarofsky crystals on it. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers. When Chuck Norris was offered bread at a restaurant he replied, "No thank you, I'm watching my carbs." Chuck Norris came over for dinner once and raped me. It was the worst forced sex I have ever had. Chuck Norris manages a Baskin Robbins franchise. It only has access to 23 flavors. Chuck Norris can't have a dog because dogs are allergic to Chuck Norris. When asked what his favorite movie was, Chuck Norris replied, "The Notebook. No, no, no, wait I'm just kidding! It's Garden State." The number of people who saw Gigli is higher than Chuck Norris' white blood cell count. Chuck Norris is wanted for raping 10 different men during last year's Carnival celebration in Brazil. The United States has refused the Brazilian extradition request. Chuck Norris always wears knee pads. When asked if they were for stunt purposes, Chuck Norris replied "sure." Chuck Norris' DNA is made up of four leaf clovers, unicorns, and smiles. Chuck Norris was once heard saying, "Boy, I sure wish Jessica Simpson had smaller tits." Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. Chuck Norris' recites a line from The Notebook as his finishing move in a scrapped version of Mortal Kombat. The morning after sex with his girlfriend, Chuck Norris likes to greet her with breakfast in bed. Chuck Norris tried to copyright the copyright symbol. It was the first time the employees at the United States Patent and Trademark Office have ever laughed. Chuck Norris is from Texas. Only steers and queers come from Texas. Chuck Norris has no horns. Chuck Norris always pours his beer into a glass before drinking it. He giggles like a schoolboy when the glass produces head, then slurps it down like a fag. Brad Pitt adopted one of Chuck Norris' children, and Chuck Norris still won't marry him. Chuck Norris can suck the AIDS virus right out of a grown man's cock, then spit it into a bottle for research. When Chuck Norris uses Verizon Wireless, you can't hear him now. Chuck Norris doesn't shave because he fears the razor. Chuck Norris has no friends on Myspace. Chuck Norris once got a splinter and was rushed immediately to the ER, screaming "I'm too young to die!" the whole way. Chuck Norris was approached by Mattel to market his controversial Homo Kung Fu Doll. However, the test market in San Francisco found it too gay and went with the Ru Paul Line instead. They kept the Kung Fu grip. Chuck Norris employs a legion of Mexican landscapers to suppress the manly wilderness that is his back. Chuck Norris was kicked out of the CIA because he was unable to come up with a better codename than "Nuck Chorris." To add injury to insult, it was a roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris won't suck one, but he will hold it in his mouth until it goes soft. |
