30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
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Chuck Norris can't have a dog because dogs are allergic to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' ejaculatory fluid is composed of 100% Noxema skin cream.
Chuck Norris is seen at the pet store weekly buying gerbils. He then stuffs them up his ass.
The Black Plague was caused by the fleas from Chuck Norris' beard
Chuck Norris only started taking Karate lessons because his friends made fun of the fact that he went to Yoga classes on Tuesday and Thursday.
Chuck Norris eats dirt because he thinks it is feces. He then takes a sip of gasoline and spits it out, complaining that it doesn't taste enough like urine.
Chuck Norris is proud of the facts that his pubes are longer and girthier than his penis.
Chuck Norris will fight you any time of the day. Except when "The View" is on.
Chuck Norris once backed out of Celebrity Boxing, fearing the wrath of Gary Coleman.
Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home.
On January 12, 1995 Chuck Norris shaved his beard. On January 13, 1995 Chuck Norris filed a missing person claim on himself.
Chuck Norris was once heard saying, "Boy, I sure wish Jessica Simpson had smaller tits."
Chuck Norris throws with his right hand like I do with my left hand. I'm right-handed.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
Ronald Reagan didn't have the heart to tell Chuck Norris that his acting in "Walker, Texas Ranger" was forgettable, so Ronald Reagan just told the world that he had Alzheimer's.
Chuck Norris has agreed to star in Brokeback Mountain 2.
Chuck Norris cannot have hemorroids. Because he is a perfect asshole.
Chuck Norris adopts orphans from the Asian tsunami disaster, only to make them sit for hours in his pool while he yells at them for not having emotional breakthroughs.
For Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick is not a signature move, it's just the closest he can come to his high school cheerleading days, which he misses sorely.
Chuck Norris found this page and said, "Shit! I guess my unfounded and unearned popularity is over." He spent the next four hours lying face down on his silk duvet cover crying into a down pillow. Anything less wouldn't have provided enough comfort.
Chuck Norris once stopped mid round-house kick because he inexplicably soiled himself.
Chuck Norris is from Texas. Only steers and queers come from Texas. Chuck Norris has no horns.
During the initial filming of Dodgeball, Chuck Norris gave a thumbs down to continuing the match because he's a big fan of the Purple Cobra.
Chuck Norris pisses Zima.
Chuck Norris once became popular for no apparent reason whatsoever.
Chuck Norris starred in "Firewalker," a film in which he does not walk on fire.
Chuck Norris once burned his lips on the tailpipe of a car while trying to blow it up for a movie.
Chuck Norris was approached by Mattel to market his controversial Homo Kung Fu Doll. However, the test market in San Francisco found it too gay and went with the Ru Paul Line instead. They kept the Kung Fu grip.
Chuck Norris cried after 15 minutes on the IGN Vestibule.