30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
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Chuck Norris hasn't completed a full roundhouse kick since 1998, when he tore his sack during a taping of "Walker, Texas Ranger."
Chuck Norris once was at the theater watching Crossroads, when someone spotted him sending the following text message to someone: "Count me in on the gay clown orgy."
Chuck Norris' vagina is so wide that his thighs don't touch even when his legs are crossed.
Chuck Norris quit his job working on Sesame Street after just 4 hours, claiming he was tired of "the intimidation, harassment and bullying."
Chuck Norris is Jesus to mindless, trend-loving Americans. He even turns water into wine coolers.
In the year 1248, enraged villagers broke into Chuck Norris' castle with the intention of burning him at the stake. Chuck started crying like a little girl and the mob, feeling increasingly awkward, dispersed and agreed amongst themselves to never mention the incident again.
Brad Pitt adopted one of Chuck Norris' children, and Chuck Norris still won't marry him.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris has 11 scrapbooks full of "Love Is" cartoons.
The origin of the name "Norris" is actually French. The translation of the word "Chuck" means homosexual.
Chuck Norris majored in liberal arts. It was his first choice.
Chuck Norris was in the Hitler Youth.
Chuck Norris tried to round-house kick me in the face once, but he's really old, so I moved out of the way and he fell to the ground and just kind of laid there.
Chuck Norris likes to take bubble baths with scented candles.
Chuck Norris wears biker shorts under his kilt.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man it is not because he has run out of women. It is because he was born that way. It wasn't his choice.
Chuck Norris puts forth so much effort during a Total Gym demonstration that he actually shits his pants. Depends has been trying to get him to endorse their adult diapers for years.
Chuck Norris once took a bite out of a Boy George vinyl and swallowed it.
Chuck Norris once passed out during a marathon because his thick, award-winning whiskers were blocking air from entering his nasal cavity.
Chuck Norris was once spit on by a camel. Chuck Norris then broke out in anger, singing "My Humps" at the top of his lungs to regain his dignity.
Chuck Norris has been shot by Chuck Bronson twelve times.
Chuck Norris' pubes cover the head of Carrot Top.
The number of people who saw Gigli is higher than Chuck Norris' white blood cell count.
Chuck Norris folds pocket aces pre-flop.
When asked who his favorite actor was, Chuck Norris replied, "Jonathan Taylor Thomas from Home Improvement. Wait, uh, I mean Arnold Schwarzenegger or, uh, Sylvester Stallone! Yeah, they're manly right?!"
There are now over 100 official sex "maneuvers" popular in the gay community known simply as "The Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris cried after 15 minutes on the IGN Vestibule.
The morning after sex with his girlfriend, Chuck Norris likes to greet her with breakfast in bed.
Chuck Norris once asked a group of people, "What's white, sticky, and falling from the sky?" Chuck Norris then licked his lips, rubbed his hands, and replied "The cumming of the Lord."