30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts Return to Best Jokes Chuck Norris always buys the Double Gulp at 7-11 even though he knows he can't finish it. Chuck Norris has been shot by Chuck Bronson twelve times. On Facebook, Chuck Norris has no pictures tagged by others. Chuck Norris once was at the theater watching Crossroads, when someone spotted him sending the following text message to someone: "Count me in on the gay clown orgy." In preparation for his future role as a gay cowboy, a young Jake Gyllenhaal spent a year as Chuck Norris' understudy on the set of "Walker, Texas Ranger." Chuck Norris once took a bite out of a Boy George vinyl and swallowed it. Chuck Norris voted Bush in the 2000 election. Chuck Norris is proud of the facts that his pubes are longer and girthier than his penis. When asked who his favorite actor was, Chuck Norris replied, "Jonathan Taylor Thomas from Home Improvement. Wait, uh, I mean Arnold Schwarzenegger or, uh, Sylvester Stallone! Yeah, they're manly right?!" Chuck Norris scored an 8 on the "Are you a good boyfriend" quiz in Cosmo. If Chuck Norris were gay, his name would be...oh wait. Chuck Norris would go straight if he could fuck Rosie O'Donnell. Too bad she is holding out to go straight for Tom Cruise, who is holding out to go gay for Heath Ledger. Chuck Norris, realizing he his career is going down the tube, drowns himself in a gallon of ice cream which is promptly melted by his warm, salty tears. On the set of the movie Sidekicks, Chuck Norris and Joe Piscopo had a real fight. The loser was declared to be humanity because they both lived. Chuck Norris once painted a portrait of himself. He only used 3 colors. Nobody said anything. Chuck Norris puts dye in his beard because he is afraid of grey hairs. Stephen Hawking once beat Chuck Norris in a foot race. Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his butthole is extremely loose. Chuck Norris goes to bars and slips roofies into his own dirty martinis in hopes of getting picked up. Chuck Norris doesn't like fat chicks. He loves them. Chuck Norris once had sex with a man, not because he was gay, but because he had run out of women. When he let the man come in his mouth, that was because he was gay. Chuck Norris once got a splinter and was rushed immediately to the ER, screaming "I'm too young to die!" the whole way. Chuck Norris' poo is pure roughage. Chuck Norris tried to copyright the copyright symbol. It was the first time the employees at the United States Patent and Trademark Office have ever laughed. Chuck Norris once had sex with a woman, but his orgasm was so powerful it blew a hole threw her. Then he cried and tried to cuddle with her bleeding vagina. Chuck Norris is seen at the pet store weekly buying gerbils. He then stuffs them up his ass. Chuck Norris was once seen following a girl out of a bedroom at a party saying, "Listen, I'm sorry, that doesn't usually happen..." Chuck Norris pisses Zima. Chuck Norris' vagina is so wide that his thighs don't touch even when his legs are crossed. |
