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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Check our our Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as rated by YOU, our users. Rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.

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Chuck Norris folds pocket aces pre-flop.

Osama Bin Laden told Chuck Norris about the 9/11 attacks on 9/10 in order to ensure that his plan would not be foiled.

Chuck Norris was the studio's original choice to play Brandon Teena in the movie, "Boys Don't Cry." Hilary Swank replaced him because test audiences found him to be gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys.

Chuck Norris vs. Jay Leno: Chuck Norris - no lips, no chin. Jay Leno - no lips. Jay Leno by a chin.

Chuck Norris adopted a young black child so he could test out his racist jokes first.

Chuck Norris didn't go to college, but his mom went to college!

Chuck Norris bet on Duke to win the National Championship. IN FOOTBALL.

Chuck Norris has agreed to star in Brokeback Mountain 2.

Chuck Norris is Jesus to mindless, trend-loving Americans. He even turns water into wine coolers.

Chuck Norris orders the "side salad with low-fat dressing" at a BBQ joint.

Chuck Norris wrote the Bible. Nice one, Chuck.

Chuck Norris' pick-up runs on sunshine and puppy's tears. Chuck Norris' truck never starts because "Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, only darkness everyday."

Chuck Norris cried during The Notebook.

When Chuck Norris and Christy Brinkley make Total Gym commercials, Christy uses a higher setting. And spots him.

Although Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is extremely effective, he has two right feet and can therefore only use it if his enemy is on his right. Stand on his left and Chuck Norris is as dangerous as Barney the Dinosaur's yellow friend.

Chuck Norris' milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies that you might kill something. Chuck Norris goes bird watching.

For Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick is not a signature move, it's just the closest he can come to his high school cheerleading days, which he misses sorely.

A shepherd once accidentally spilled his coffee on Chuck Norris' lap and refused to apologize. Chuck Norris went to the man's field and fucked every one of his sheep. Chuck Norris wasn't trying to get back at him, he just loves to fuck sheep.

Chuck Norris once walked into a gay bar because he wanted to. Another time, he walked into another gay bar. Now, it is a weekly habit.

Chuck Norris came over for dinner once and raped me. It was the worst forced sex I have ever had.

Chuck Norris injects steroids into his upper lip, so that it can bare the weight of his mustache.

Brad Pitt adopted one of Chuck Norris' children, and Chuck Norris still won't marry him.

Chuck Norris doesn't like fat chicks. He loves them.

After a night of passionate love with Tony Danza, Chuck Norris took the morning after pill, fearing an unwanted pregnancy.

The number of people who saw Gigli is higher than Chuck Norris' white blood cell count.

If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a pussy."

Chuck Norris fears no man! Only women.

When they asked Chuck Norris to be in Brokeback Mountain 2 he simply said "How many sex scenes?"

If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.

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