30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
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Chuck Norris is so gay he is Coldplays groupy
Chuck Norris once completed a roundhouse kick so powerfully that all the hair from the top of his head ended up on his face. This is also the origin of his cowboy hat, a mark of shame.
Chuck Norris is the Rump Ranger.
Chuck Norris' hip breaking was heard across 12 states.
Chuck Norris cried after 15 minutes on the IGN Vestibule.
Chuck Norris once had an affair with Ralph Macchio on the set of The Karate Kid.
Chuck Norris' adult diaper is made to withhold 2,000 lbs of pressure per square inch. It breaks on a regular basis.
Chuck Norris doesn't like fat chicks. He loves them.
When asked what his favorite movie was, Chuck Norris replied, "The Notebook. No, no, no, wait I'm just kidding! It's Garden State."
Chuck Norris has been quoted as hitting on girls using the line, "How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if the wood chuck got with YOU!"
Every time Chuck Norris performs a roundhouse kick, he pops two hemorrhoids.
Chuck Norris has a summer home on "Brokeback Mountain."
Chuck Norris once painted a portrait of himself. He only used 3 colors. Nobody said anything.
Stephen Hawking once beat Chuck Norris in a foot race.
Chuck Norris voted Bush in the 2000 election.
Chuck Norris won't suck one, but he will hold it in his mouth until it goes soft.
On Facebook, Chuck Norris has no pictures tagged by others.
Chuck Norris was once spit on by a camel. Chuck Norris then broke out in anger, singing "My Humps" at the top of his lungs to regain his dignity.
Chuck Norris was the studio's original choice to play Brandon Teena in the movie, "Boys Don't Cry." Hilary Swank replaced him because test audiences found him to be gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys.
Chuck Norris' vagina is so wide that his thighs don't touch even when his legs are crossed.
Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his butthole is extremely loose.
Chuck Norris once heard a women screaming while being raped in a dark alley. When Chuck Norris approached, he gave the women a roundhouse kick to jaw so she would shut the fuck up.
Chuck Norris' ejaculatory fluid is composed of 100% Noxema skin cream.
Chuck Norris once tried to enter an Ugly Contest and was told, "Sorry, no professionals."
Brad Pitt adopted one of Chuck Norris' children, and Chuck Norris still won't marry him.
Chuck Norris starred in "Firewalker," a film in which he does not walk on fire.
Chuck Norris raped my dog. And then my youth. And then my dog again.
Chuck Norris caused Hurricane Katrina and encouraged George W. Bush to let Michael Brown handle it.
Chuck Norris bet on Poland in both World Wars.