30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
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Chuck Norris was once arrested in a small Midwestern town for public indecency. During his four-hour stay in the local jail, he was made the bitch to a pre-op transsexual named Phil.
Chuck Norris once asked a group of people, "What's white, sticky, and falling from the sky?" Chuck Norris then licked his lips, rubbed his hands, and replied "The cumming of the Lord."
Chuck Norris always insists that he's joking when he sniggers in his camp voice, "I'm going outside to have a fag, and then I'm going to have a cigarette." But we all know he's not joking.
Chuck Norris is proud of the facts that his pubes are longer and girthier than his penis.
Chuck Norris has a signed poster of Vin Diesel directly above his bed. Sadly, Chuck Norris does not realize that the signature is a mass-produced mechanical replica.
Chuck Norris was kicked out of the CIA because he was unable to come up with a better codename than "Nuck Chorris." To add injury to insult, it was a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris' poo is pure roughage.
Chuck Norris gets carded for PG-13 movies, including his own.
Chuck Norris changed his name to Chuck in 1972 because he was in fact the Charlie we were searching for in 'Nam.
Chuck Norris has agreed to star in Brokeback Mountain 2.
Chuck Norris has no friends on Myspace.
When Chuck Norris uses Verizon Wireless, you can't hear him now.
During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.
Chuck Norris listens to Fall Out Boy and cries.
Chuck Norris eats dirt because he thinks it is feces. He then takes a sip of gasoline and spits it out, complaining that it doesn't taste enough like urine.
The morning after sex with his girlfriend, Chuck Norris likes to greet her with breakfast in bed.
When asked who his favorite actor was, Chuck Norris replied, "Jonathan Taylor Thomas from Home Improvement. Wait, uh, I mean Arnold Schwarzenegger or, uh, Sylvester Stallone! Yeah, they're manly right?!"
Chuck Norris' DNA is made up of four leaf clovers, unicorns, and smiles.
Chuck Norris tried to copyright the copyright symbol. It was the first time the employees at the United States Patent and Trademark Office have ever laughed.
Chuck Norris majored in liberal arts. It was his first choice.
Many stuntmen who have worked with Chuck Norris complain on set that Chuck Norris makes far too many so-called jokes about "exchanging blows."
Chuck Norris didn't go to college, but his mom went to college!
As a child, Chuck Norris was often caught spooning with other ginger kids during nap time.
Chuck Norris's second most lethal art is face painting.
Chuck Norris, on the set of Sidekicks, asked Jonathan Brandis to tone down his acting skills so that Chuck Norris wouldn't look so bad. Chuck Norris used the third person in an attempt to trick Jonathan Brandis into thinking the request was not at the behest of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies that you might kill something. Chuck Norris goes bird watching.
Chuck Norris vs. Jay Leno: Chuck Norris - no lips, no chin. Jay Leno - no lips. Jay Leno by a chin.
Chuck Norris gives better rimjobs than West Coast Customs.
Chuck Norris' favorite color is lavender.