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10 Newest Adult Jokes

Here are the 10 Newest Adult Jokes on our site.
Please rate as many of our Random Adult Jokes as you want.

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Added on Friday, August 1st, 2014

This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at her boobs when she said, "would you please press one?"

So I did.

I don't remember much after that...

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Added on Friday, July 25th, 2014

REDHEADS ARE FAMOUS FOR THEIR TEMPERS AND UNPREDICTABILITY...HOW FAMOUS?

Redheads don't sleep...they wait.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3? A redhead.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, a redhead jumps out.

How sexy are redheads? A group of redheads once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now known as The Islands.

Redheads put the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

A cobra bit a redhead. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

A redheads dog is trained to clean up its own poop, because a redhead refuses to take sh** off anyone!

If a redhead gives you the finger, she's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Death once had a near-redhead experience.

A redhead can have both feet on the ground and still kick your ass.

The only time a redhead was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.

A redheaded woman can make a paraplegic man run for his life...

Redheads don't have to use pick-up lines. They simply say, "Now."

Redheads don't play hide-and-seek. They play "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

A redheaded woman is so stubborn she can beat the sun at a staring competition.

A redhead is probably the reason Waldo is hiding.

There is no such thing as gay men - only men who haven't met a sexy redheaded woman.

When redheads run with scissors, others will get hurt.

A redhead gave Mona Lisa that smile...

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Added on Monday, June 30th, 2014

Bill had been quite the ladies man and player all his life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting concerned about him.

"Bill," advised the doctor, "I can add 15 more years to your life if you will just quit your old routine of wine, women, and song."

Bill thought for a few minutes, then said, "Tell you what doc, I'll settle for five more years and just give up singing."

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Added on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014

I got kicked out of my mathematics class one day.

The teacher asked me, "What comes after 69?"

Apparently "mouthwash" was the wrong answer!

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Added on Sunday, May 25th, 2014     Submitted by: Foxxy J

Husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't piss me off and make me happy at the same time".

Wife replies, "Your dick is a lot bigger than your brother's".

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Added on Friday, February 28th, 2014

A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sex, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him. The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she'd seen.

"What can I help you with?" he asked.

"Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?"

"Ma'am," he answered, "that there is called a penis."

"I see," she said. "Now what is the big thing on the end of the penis called?"

"Why that there is called the head of the penis."

"I do declare!" exclaimed the young woman. "One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12 to 14 inches behind the head of the penis?"

"I'm not sure about your husband, ma'am, but on me, they're called the cheeks of my ass!"

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Added on Thursday, February 13th, 2014

The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"

The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?

Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."

"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."

Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."

The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."

Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"

The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"

Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."

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Added on Thursday, February 13th, 2014

A man takes a beautiful blonde to his apartment. They're kissing in the elevator when she feels something in his pocket.

"What is that?" she asks.

"Those are my golf balls."

"Is that like tennis elbow?"

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Added on Sunday, February 2nd, 2014

I went to a disco last night.

They played The Twist, I did The Twist.

They played Jump, I Jumped.

They played Come On Eileen...

I got kicked out for that one

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Added on Thursday, December 12th, 2013     Submitted by: A. sassy

A man goes to a fancy costume party wearing only a glass jar on his penis.

A woman asks, "What are you?"

He says, "I'm a fireman"

"But you're only wearing a glass jar?", says the woman.

"Exactly! In an emergency, break glass, pull knob, and I'll come as fast as I can!"

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