New Religious Jokes

Added on Wednesday, December 5th     Submitted by: OhMrWonka

Q: How does Moses make his tea?

A: Hebrews it!

Added on Friday, November 16th

Most people are unwilling to sell their souls; but they usually aren't opposed to renting them out for an hour or two.

Added on Monday, August 20th     Submitted by: SashafromRussia

Father O'Reilly is just finishing up a child's baptism when he notices a shady looking man come in and stand fidgeting near the confessional. After a delay, the man enters the confessional.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Its been over twenty years since my last confession," the man admits.

"Father, I'm a thief. I can't help myself! I know its wrong, that's why I haven't been to confession. In fact," he goes on, "the only reason I came in today was to get away from the cops. I couldn't resist stealing this beautiful Stradivarius violin from the concert hall. When the cops started chasing me, I panicked and ran in here and stashed the violin by the baptismal fount."

Father O'Reilly spends a few minutes convincing the man to seek help. The thief agrees to turn over a new leaf and let the priest turn the violin over to the police.

"Oh, thank you Father. Thank you!" sobs the chastened thief.

"Now is there anything else I can do for you?" the priest asks.

The thief hesitates and then with a toothy grin asks "Would you like to buy a baptismal fount?"

Added on Monday, August 13th

A group of tourists were watching the re-enactment of an ancient Egyptian religious ritual. One tourist turned to a nearby local, pointed to the statue that was being praised and asked, "Pardon me, but what was the name of that god supposed to be?"

"Why do you ask?" the man replied.

The tourist shrugged. "Just idol curiosity, I guess."

Added on Sunday, August 12th

Have you heard the story of the pastor who got up one Sunday and made an announcement to his congregation about the building program?

"I have good news and bad news," he said. "The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

Added on Thursday, August 9th     Submitted by: SaudiSwerve

A Catholic asked the Rabbi: so does circumcision pay well?

Rabbi: No. But we get to keep the tips.

Added on Monday, July 2nd

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

Added on Thursday, June 7th

E-MAIL COMMANDMENTS

Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.

Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.

Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before sendest it.

Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.

Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.

Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE all CAPS.

Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.

Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of email, especially from work.

Thou shalt not use email for any illegal or unethical purpose.

When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.

And, the Golden Rule of email:
That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.

Added on Tuesday, May 8th     Submitted by: Nick

Q: Why did the woman get kicked out of the Amish town?

A: Because she had four men-a-night

Added on Sunday, April 29th

Q: What is the difference between priests and acne?

A: Priests don't cum all over your face until puberty!