New Redneck Jokes

Added on Saturday, March 15th

A woman goes into a store to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a "associate" standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "Thats a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line . . . It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".

She says, "Thats amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."

Added on Monday, October 8th

"I like to watch the World Series. Here's what I do. I sit down and drink a few beers in my underwear and scream at the TV. That's until they throw me out of Applebees."
--Dave Letterman

Added on Thursday, October 4th

Q: Why does Mexico never win any medals in the Olympics?

A: Because all of the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S.

Added on Tuesday, June 19th

Standing on the sidelines during a football game at my son's high school, I saw one of the players take a hard hit. He tumbled to the ground and didn't move. We grabbed our first-aid gear and rushed out onto the field.

The coach picked up the young man's hand and urged, "Son, can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."

Added on Friday, May 11th

Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.

Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while."

Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."

Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television."

Added on Tuesday, January 30th

The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library, so when the librarian saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking confused, she asked how she could help.

"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.

"Which one?" she asked.

He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."

Added on Tuesday, November 14th

College Student Q and A

Q: What does the average Mississippi State player get on his SATs?

A: Drool.


Q: What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?

A: A full set of teeth.


Q: How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.


Q: Why do the Auburn cheerleaders wear bibs?

A: To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.


Q: Why is the Vandy football team like a possum?

A: Because they play dead at home, and get killed on the road.


Q: What are the longest three years of a Florida football player's life?

A: His freshman year.


Q: How many Ole Miss freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None . . . That's a sophomore course at Mississippi.


Q: Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco?

A: Lexington, Kentucky . . . He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.


Q: Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?

A: They can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

Added on Tuesday, November 7th

The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race.

He turned on the jockey.

"Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?"

"Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."

Added on Monday, October 2nd

Q: Why do jocks play on artificial turf?

A: To keep them from grazing.

Added on Wednesday, September 6th

Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."

"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"

"Absolutely not," he said.

"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."

"Season's more than half over", he said.