New Gross Jokes

Added on Tuesday, January 10th     Submitted by: chillie

Q: How do you know if your bartender is mad at you?

A: You find a string in your Bloody Mary.

Added on Thursday, December 15th     Submitted by: Aleex.

There once was a man called Dave,
who dug up a dead prostitutes grave,
she was covered in shit
and missing a tit
but hey, look at the money he saved!

Added on Thursday, October 27th

Randy was in the hospital for tests. At 11:00 AM, they brought him soup for lunch. He refused it. At 2:00 PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused.

Again, at 5:00 PM and 7:00 PM, they tried, and both times Randy turned down the soup, so they gave up. In preparation for the next day's tests, they entered his room at 3:00 AM, 4:30 AM, and 6:00 AM and gave him an enema each time.

When Randy got home from the hospital after the tests, he told his wife, "Whatever you do, if you go to that hospital and they try to serve you soup, take it. If you refuse it, they sneak in while you're asleep and shove it up your ass."

Added on Thursday, October 20th

Q: What's the difference between an oyster shucker with epilepsy, and a hooker with diarrhea?

A: The oyster shucker shucks between fits!

Added on Tuesday, June 23rd

Q: How do you get a tissue to dance?

A: You blow a little boogie into it.

Added on Monday, June 15th     Submitted by: amy

Q: What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot?


A: Half a dog

Added on Monday, September 29th

Dateline: London
A British man was found guilty yesterday of having sex with a dog after a video he made of the act was inadvertently shown to speechless wedding guests expecting to see a replay of a marriage ceremony.

The 59-year-old man lent his video recorder to a friend to film the wedding, but forgot to erase from the tape scenes of him in sex acts with a neighbor's bull terrier named Ronnie.

Added on Friday, September 26th

Two guys were cruising downtown, hoping to improve their sex life.

As they passed the mortuary, one elbows the other and says, "How 'bout stopping in for a cold one?"

Added on Thursday, July 24th     Submitted by: Dermot

A guy, who had had one or two gets on to a double decker bus and finds himself a seat on the upper deck. The bus conductor comes along to collect his fare when the guy asks him
"Would it be alright if I brought up a crate of beer?"

"No Problem" says the bus conductor as there was plenty of room on the upper deck.

And the guy goes "Blaaghhhhhhh" all over the floor of the bus

Added on Friday, July 11th

Q: What do you get when you cross diarrhea with constipation?

A: A pressure washer