New Gay Jokes

Added on Thursday, March 13th

Merrie Melodies or just gay 'toons?

Thank God the Rev. Jerry Falwell has stepped in to clean up children's television. Last week he outed Tinky Winky, from that perverted show the"Teletubbies," because, Falwell pronounced, the character is clearly a fount of gayness: He's purple, the gay color; he has an antenna shaped like a triangle, the gay symbol; and he carries a purse, something all gay people do.

But Falwell's work is far from over. You see, kiddy TV is downright rife with gayety. Heck, Toon Town is like one big circuit party and has been for years.

*** Fred Flintstone
Evidence: His nickname on the Bedrock bowling team: "Twinkle-toes Flintstone." The show's theme song ends "...we'll have a gay old time!" Wears an orange dress with little triangles on it. Hangs out with Barney far more than Wilma.

*** Bugs Bunny
Evidence: Often stands with hand on hip. Plays a hairdresser in one episode. Frequently dresses in drag. Loves to throw on a top hat and tails and belt out Broadway show-tunes with his buddy Daffy -- who, it's worth noting, has a lisp. Has a history of kissing Elmer Fudd on the lips

*** Velma (of Scooby Doo)
Evidence: Always tries to sit next to Daphne in the Mystery Machine. Sports that butch haircut. Has broad shoulders and wears thick turtleneck-sweaters and knee socks. Never once shagged Shaggy.

*** Popeye
Evidence: Eats lots of salad. Wears a sailor suit, even though he hasn't been on a ship in years. Does little sailor-dances. Dates a flat-chested transvestite named Olive Oyl. Best friend named Wimpy.

*** Batman and Robin
Evidence: Robin's nickname: Boy Wonder. Batman's real name: Bruce. Both wear tights. They're in great shape. They like to show each other their "grappling hooks."

*** Peppermint Patty
Evidence: Has a deep, gravelly voice. Wears pants, not dresses like the other Peanuts gals. Plays a mean game of football. Likes to taunt Charlie Brown. Always hanging out with that androgynous Marcie. Wears comfortable shoes.

Nickname: Sir.

*** The Pink Panther
'Nuff said

Added on Wednesday, March 12th

Hetersexual Survey

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of?

4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

6. Do your parents know that you are straight? Do your friends and/or roommates know?

7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep it quiet?

8. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

9. Why do heterosexuals feel so compelled to introduce others to their lifestyle?

10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?

11. Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different?

12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships between heterosexuals?

13. Statistics show that lesbians have the lowest of sexually transmitted disease. Is it really safe for a woman to maintain a heterosexual lifestyle and run the risk of disease and pregnancy?

14. How can you expect to become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality?

15. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?

16. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don't you feel that (s)he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own orientation?

17. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you change if you really want to. Have you ever considered aversion therapy?

18. Would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems (s)he would face?

Added on Wednesday, March 12th

"The Massachusetts court decision to allow gay marriages this week may prove to be a divisive issue in the upcoming presidential election. President Bush is likely torn because he has to protect what he sees as a sacred institution and yet he knows gay marriage would boost the economy because you know those gay guys would go all out. We're talking about designer wedding cakes, $20,000 sleeveless tuxedos, giant naked man ice sculptures that pee mojitos. They'd hire Pattie La Belle as the band, give out African parrots as party favors. It'd be ridiculous. Remember, whatever your political beliefs, a vote to allow gay marriage is a vote for a fabulous economy."
-- Tina Fey

Added on Thursday, January 17th

A gay man goes to the doctor and complains that his husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives him a pill, but warns him it is still experimental and tells his to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So, that night at dinner, he does.

About a week later he's back at the doctor. he says, "Doc, the pill worked great!! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravages me right there on the table!"

The doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."

"Naah... ", he says, "that's okay. We aren't going back to that Restaurant anyway."

Added on Tuesday, January 8th

Did you hear about the gay bank robber?

He tied up the safe and blew the guard.

Added on Monday, January 7th

Christmas may be a little late this year if Santa can't find a replacement reindeer soon.

It seems Prancer disappeared. Rumor has it he ran off to San Francisco and moved in with a hairdresser.

Added on Friday, December 14th

Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to screw it in, and the other to say "Fabulous!"

Added on Thursday, December 13th

Q: What did one gay dentist say to the other?

A: You have the whitest teeth I've ever come across.

Added on Thursday, December 6th

Top Ten Shows on the New Gay Cable Network

10. "Everybody loves Raymond....especially Steve."

9. "CSI: San Fransisco"

8. "Inside the actor's studio apartment in the West Village"

7. "Law and Order: Special Antiquing Unit"

6. "King of Queens"

5. "Desperate Houseboys"

4. "Stone Phillips-Unleashed"

3. "Malcolm in the Middle"

2. "My wife and kids....have no idea"

1. "Press the meat"

Added on Tuesday, November 27th

Q: How did the gay guy feel when he first found out that he was gay?

A: It was quite a blow for him.