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New Funny Jokes

Here are our most recent 10 New Funny Jokes. Be sure to rate as many of our Random Funny Jokes as you want. Check our all of our other categories too!

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Added on Friday, August 22nd

Question of the day...

If someone threw a rock and knocked you off your donkey, would you be considered stoned off your ass?

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Added on Friday, August 1st

This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at her boobs when she said, "would you please press one?"

So I did.

I don't remember much after that...

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Added on Monday, June 30th

Bill had been quite the ladies man and player all his life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting concerned about him.

"Bill," advised the doctor, "I can add 15 more years to your life if you will just quit your old routine of wine, women, and song."

Bill thought for a few minutes, then said, "Tell you what doc, I'll settle for five more years and just give up singing."

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Added on Monday, June 2nd     Submitted by: JAMIE FLOOD

What do you call a person that speaks 3 languages?
"Trilingual"

What do you call a person that speaks 2 languages?
"Bilingual"

What do you call a person that speaks 1 language?
"American"

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Added on Thursday, May 22nd

Police: Knock Knock

Me: Who is it?

Police: It's the police

Me: What do you want?

Police: We just want to talk

Me: How many of you are there?

Police: Two

Me: Then talk to each other!

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Added on Monday, May 12th

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "What's up with the paper towel?"

The pirate replies "Yarg! There be a bounty on me head!"

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Added on Wednesday, February 19th

When a person with a lisp says "Bithnith", you know they mean business...

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Added on Friday, February 14th

The police sent me a picture of me speeding.

So I sent them a picture of a check.

They sent me a picture of handcuffs..

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Added on Friday, February 7th

During a visit to a mental asylum, I asked the director "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"

"Well", said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a tea cup and a bucket to the patient and ask them to empty the bathtub".

"Oh, I see, so a normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the tea cup", I replied.

"No", said the director, "a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

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Added on Thursday, December 19th


Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

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