New Dirty Riddles

Added on Wednesday, February 1st

A man enters an adult shop for the very first time on his way home from work one afternoon. He sheepishly flicks through a couple of dirty magazines, looks at the chains, leathers and rubber dolls hanging from the ceiling and casually checks out the items on display in the counter.

Suddenly, he's greeted by a "Good afternoon sir and how can I help you."

The man points at this huge item in the counter and asks what it is. The salesman replies "That's the latest technology sir, a vibrating vagina."

"How much is it?" the man asks.

"$150" the salesman replies.

And with that, the man pulls out his wallet, pays the salesman the money and leaves with his vibrating vagina. When he arrives home, his wife is in the kitchen cooking their evening meal. The man walks in, places the box on the kitchen table, pulls the vibrating vagina out of the box and places it on the table.

His wife looks at it curiously and says "Well, what's that then?"

"It's the latest technology, a vibrating vagina." the man replies.

"Well, what do you want me to do with?" his wife asks.

"TEACH IT HOW TO COOK AND FUCK OFF"

Added on Wednesday, February 1st

Q. What do mountain climbing and receiving a blowjob from Whoopi Goldberg have in common?

A. For God's sake, don't ever look down!

Added on Tuesday, January 31st

Q: What does a bisexual bring on a second date?

A: A friend

Added on Tuesday, January 31st     Submitted by: SashafromRussia

Q: Did you hear that the U.S. Postal Service is going to be putting out a stamp to honor our nation's hard-working prostitutes?

A: Yeah, the stamp costs 37 cents, but it's a dollar if you want to lick it.

Added on Tuesday, January 24th

Q: What do soybeans and dildos have in common?

A: They are both meat substitutes.

Added on Friday, December 23rd     Submitted by: tash

Q: What do you call a fat prostitute in space?

A: A meatywhore

Added on Thursday, December 1st     Submitted by: drgnx702000

Q: Whats the difference between a poodle and a pit bull when it comes to humping your leg?

A: You better let the pit bull finish

Added on Thursday, October 27th

There once was a man named John. John was deeply in love with a woman named Wendy, and had proposed marriage to her several times. Each time, Wendy would tell him that she would only get married if John had her name tattooed on his penis. John, feeling that this was a major decision, told Wendy he'd think about it.

One day John came home from work a bit late, having just gotten Wendy's name tattooed on his member. Her name was only visible while aroused, otherwise all you could see were the letters W and Y.

John and Wendy were married, and they took their honeymoon in Jamaica. As Wendy was checking them in at the hotel, John said he had to use the men's room.

There was this big, strapping Jamaican guy at the urinal beside him. John, being the man he is, looked over to check out the Jamaican's package. He was shocked to see the letters W and Y on his neighbor's member.

"Wow," said John. "You must be married to a girl named Wendy!"

"No," said the Jamaican. "Mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica, mon. Have a nice day.'"

Added on Friday, October 14th     Submitted by: akq8289

Q:Why did the little sister put a fish in her pocket?
A: Because she wanted to smell like her big sister.

Added on Friday, January 16th

Q: How much calcium is in a woman's boob?
A: Enough to make a bone 10 inches long!