New Clinton Jokes

Added on Monday, January 30th     Submitted by: Sasha From Russia

If Hillary Clinton couldn't satisfy her own husband how in hell is she going to keep all Americans happy for four goddamn years?

Added on Wednesday, January 11th     Submitted by: SashafromRussia

One of the Senate Chaplains, a very old Catholic priest, suffers a massive heart attack on the Senate floor. As they prepare to rush him to a hospital he whispers a dying request to one of the Senate pages that Senators Hillary Clinton and Ted Kennedy accompany him in the ambulance. Aware of the flashing of press cameras and bright glare of the TV lights, the two Senators hold the priest's hands as he is taken away.

One reporter corners the Senate page. "Wow, that was something. Did the priest say why he wanted Clinton and Kennedy to go with him in the ambulance?"

The page nodded. "Yes, the good Father said all his life he tried to emulate his Savior and if dying between two lying thieves was good enough for Jesus it was good enough for him."

Added on Thursday, October 27th

Q: What is Bill Clinton's worst nightmare?

A: An intern with braces.

Added on Thursday, August 4th     Submitted by: SashafromRussia

There's a funny story about how Bill and Hillary first met at Yale... it seems they were both dating the same woman.

Added on Monday, July 14th

Q: What's the difference between Paula Jones and Monica Lewinsky.

A: Close, but no cigar.

Added on Wednesday, April 16th

Dear Abby,

I am a 60-year-old woman who is married to a man who acts like he hates me. In public, he pretends he loves me and talks about how wonderful I am. But in private, he shakes his finger in my face and calls me the "B" word. He constantly tells me how ugly I am without make-up. I've tried everything, including a face-lift, botox treatments, and a chin tuck. I even went on a diet and lost 20 pounds.

He quit his job a few years ago after having an affair with a woman in his office. He hasn't even looked for another job. We haven't slept together since I confronted him about the affair. He denied it, of course, but everybody knew it. It was humiliating. I believe he is still messing around.

While we both want to sell this house, we argue constantly about when to put it on the market. The house we want will be available in a few months. My husband wants to put our house on the market now. I think we should wait a while. He has already started collecting boxes and packing up his stuff. Do you think he is planning to leave me?

Signed,
Worried in NY



Dear Worried in NY:

I doubt it. He wants to move back into the White House as much as you do.

Added on Monday, December 3rd

Q: What does Hillary Clinton do in the morning after she shaves her pussy?

A: She straightens his tie and sends him of to work.

Added on Tuesday, November 27th

"Isn't politics just horrible these days? People are now saying that Hillary Clinton has spent millions of dollars on plastic surgery. She’s so good looking now that her husband hit on her by accident last night."
--Dave Letterman

Added on Thursday, November 8th     Submitted by: pam from texas

Q: What does Bill Clinton do after sex?

A: He goes home to Hillary...

Added on Tuesday, May 29th

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it "Hillary Rodham Clinton"

3. Send it to the trash.

4. Empty the trash.

5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of "Hillary Rodham Clinton?"

6. Firmly Click "Yes."

7. Feel better.