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24 New Jack Bauer Facts

Here are our most recent 24 Jack Bauer Facts. Be sure to rate as many of our Random Jack Bauer Facts as you want. Check our all of our other categories too!

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Added on Monday, May 12th     Submitted by: gungho95

It is said that the tears of Chuck Norris can cure cancer, except Chuck Norris never crys. Upon hearing this Jack Bauer said, "well see." and left with a pair of jumper cables in hand. Two minuets later he returned and said, "Wrong on both counts."

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Added on Thursday, March 14th

If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

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Added on Friday, February 8th

Jack Bauer's mornings usually start with a trip down his slip-and-slide lined with razor blades followed by a dip in a his pool filled with rubbing alcohol. He likes to dry off with a towel made from sandpaper.

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Added on Thursday, January 24th

Jack Bauer doesn't own a watch, because there's never any time.

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Added on Thursday, December 13th

Jack Bauer once made a blind man see again, then promptly threatened to cut out his eyes if he didn't give him the information he wanted.

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Added on Tuesday, November 20th

Jack Bauer is mentioned in the Bible 24 times.

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Added on Friday, November 16th

Jack Bauer doesn't believe in testing cosmetics on animals, he prefers terrorists.

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Added on Tuesday, August 7th

Jack Bauer never craps because Jack Bauer never eats. Simple, is it not?

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Added on Monday, August 6th

"The Lost Boys" is a documentary on Jack Bauer's early undercover work infiltrating a group of vampire terrorists.

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Added on Friday, August 3rd

Jack Bauer calls Chuck Norris Charlie.

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Added on Tuesday, July 31st

The spoon that Neo is convinced does not exist, is daily used by Jack Bauer to eat his cereal.

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Added on Monday, July 23rd

When time stands still, Jack Bauer moves at the speed of light.

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Added on Friday, July 13th

If Jack Bauer and Walker, Texas Ranger ever happened to get within 10 feet of each other, the universe will explode. Fortunately, they would both survive.

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Added on Monday, May 14th

When Jack Bauer uses Herbal Essences, the shampoo has an orgasm.

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Added on Friday, April 27th

Bulletproof vests are made out of Jack Bauer's skin. They just call it Teflon to fool terrorists into thinking they actually have a chance.

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Added on Friday, April 27th

The only reason the energizer bunny keeps going and going is because Jack Bauer is on its tail.

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Added on Thursday, April 26th

Jack Bauer doesn't chew bubble gum, he chews coal, and when he spits it out, it is a diamond.

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Added on Tuesday, April 17th

The reason why Jack Bauer whispers all the time, is because he has not had a glass of water for 8 seasons.

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Added on Tuesday, April 10th

Bauer's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Osama Bin Laden.

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Added on Tuesday, April 10th

Jack Bauer's hotness is responsible for global warming.

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Added on Monday, April 9th

Jack Bauer doesn't care about Kanye West.

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Added on Monday, April 9th

So far Jack Bauer has not had to confront the Germans, because his grandfather John "Jack" Bauer sorted that lot out in 1945.

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Added on Friday, April 6th

Jack Bauer doesn't like it when people copy Chuck Norris facts and substitute his name. He will gundown your family for that.

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Added on Friday, April 6th

Priests confess to Jack Bauer.

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