24 New Jack Bauer FactsHere are our most recent 24 Jack Bauer Facts. Be sure to rate as many of our Random Jack Bauer Facts as you want. Check our all of our other categories too! Back to New Jokes Added on Friday, October 14th Hardee's is considering renaming their Monster Thickburger - "The Jack Bauer Burger" - because with its 1,420 calories, 107 grams of fat, 229 milligrams of cholesterol, and 2,651 milligrams of sodium - it could kill you. Added on Friday, August 5th God created the universe in 6 days. That’s 5 days 23 hours and 59 minutes longer than it took Jack Bauer to create God. Added on Tuesday, August 2nd Jack Bauer once told God he needed access, the event has since been referred to as "The Big Bang." Added on Thursday, November 4th When the other Boy Scouts were tying knots, Jack Bauer was defusing nukes. Added on Friday, November 20th Wheaties once asked Jack Bauer to be on the cover of their cereal box. However Jack turned them down. We all know he never eats. Added on Friday, November 20th Anytime Jack Bauer makes a list, when he gets to #24 his trigger finger twitches. Added on Friday, November 20th Jack Bauer's morning wood is strong enough to support a building. Added on Friday, November 20th Osama asked for a truce because he heard Jack Bauer got his address.. and is coming for dinner. Added on Friday, November 20th Jack Bauer once saw two gay men making out. They immediately turned straight. Added on Tuesday, June 23rd Jack Bauer is the reason Churchill and Stalin sat down with Roosevelt. Added on Monday, June 15th When Jack Bauer masturbates, he doesn't say he's going to jerkoff, he say's "it's time to punish my genitals". Added on Monday, June 15th If the groundhog sees his shadow, that means 6 more weeks of winter. If Jack Bauer sees your shadow, that means 6 more seconds to live. Added on Monday, June 15th Jack Bauer doesn't own Tivo. His VCR simply lives in fear of ever forgetting to record his shows again. Added on Monday, June 15th Even though Jack Bauer isn't big and green, don't make him angry. You won't like him when he is angry. Added on Thursday, April 2nd Kim Bauer once brought her father to school for a parent/teacher conference.....and got expelled for bringing a weapon onto school grounds. Added on Monday, November 3rd Jack Bauer is the only reason Santa Claus is able to deliver presents to millions of children in a 24-hour period. Added on Monday, October 6th Jack Bauer would not put Rudy in the game. Added on Monday, September 22nd Jack Bauer can break eleven fingers at once, good thing you only have ten. Added on Tuesday, September 16th The reason why James Bond keeps switching the actors is because the writers keep hoping they'll get Jack Bauer. Added on Monday, July 14th Jack Bauer sends an ambulance after he shoots your innocent wife above the kneecap. Jack Bauer has morals. Added on Monday, July 14th When Jack Bauer is looking for a good laugh, he watches Chuck Norris work out on his Total Gym. Added on Tuesday, April 29th David Palmer did not get that horrible burn on his hand from a biological agent. He got it after he high-fived Jack. Added on Tuesday, April 29th When Jack Bauer does push-ups he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down. Added on Tuesday, April 29th On Halloween, a child stopped at Jack Bauers house dressed in a terrorist costume. Jack killed him with a piece of candy corn before he noticed the difference. |
