Current Rating - 2.98 With 334 votes
A minister goes down to the local pet shop and buys a parrot to be his companion since the minister is up there in years and lives alone.
The parrot can speak quite a few words and the minister is delighted, he says, hello pretty bird, hello pretty bird and the parrot looks at him and with a gruff voice says, 'fuck you asshole,í the minister is flabbergasted and steps back quickly. He says, 'there will be no swearing or cursing in this house' and the parrot says, 'ah, screw you'.
After a month the minister is able to get the parrot to speak only pleasant words, he had to put the parrot on bread and water for two weeks until the parrot would comply.
The minister decided to name the parrot the usual name "Polly" and a week after he had Polly trained he was sitting at his desk composing his sermon for the following Sunday and decided, if the weather's nice, Iím going to take Polly to church, place his cage and stand next to me, high in the walk up pulpit so that the entire congregation can see the beautiful feathered creature.
The following Sunday comes around, it's a hot, sunny day and the minister decides to take Polly with him to his 10 o'clock service. He gets Polly to the church and sets up the cage and the stand next to the pulpit for all to see and as the congregation entered the church they saw Polly instantly, they sat and admired the parrot. This pleased the minister and exactly at 10 o'clock he rose and ascended to the raised pulpit with Polly next to him.
The minister began with "good morning, welcome, and if you're wondering on this fine morning, a hot one indeed, this is my pet parrot Polly, and now children of god, let us begin".
15 minutes after the minister began the sermon, Polly squawks loudly and utters "holy fuck is it ever hot in here", the minister and his flock are agog with horror, there was dead silence.
2 minutes later the quiet of the church brought the minister back to his full senses and he looked at Polly with a snide sneer, turned to his flock, and said, let us continue.
Not 10 minutes later, there was a screeching squawk and Polly once more at the top of his lungs uttered, "holy fuck is it ever hot in here", again the minister and congregation came to a dead halt.
A minute later the minister leans over, his face brushed up against Polly's cage and says quietly to the parrot, "if you utter one more word and interrupt my sermon, I shall reach into your cage, grab you by the balls, rip you out of that cage, swing you by the balls over my head until you are d-e-a-d."
All is quiet once more and the minister says, let us finish the sermon and he continued where he had left off.
2 minutes before the minister was to finish his sermon, Polly once more, screeched, "squawk, holy fuck is it ever hot in here, squawk, squawk."
Bang, the ministers sermon hit the floor and he said, "that's it!" he reached over, undid the door of the cage, reached in and grabbed Polly by the balls, ripped Polly out of his cage and the minister with one big swoop began swinging Polly by the balls over his head around in circles.
Squawk, squawk, Polly was screaming and then uttered,
"Feel that fuckin breeze"