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Private Weston was stationed in Arabia during Desert Storm in a fairly isolated location in the desert. After a couple of weeks without seeing a single woman, he inquired to his sergeant about some leave to get some action.
"Well, hell boy, just use the camel, like everyone else," the sergeant replied.
Private Weston looked at the smelly animal, drooling all over the place. "What do you think I am, some sicko pervert?" he says.
The sergeant just shrugs, "Suit yourself."
A couple of weeks pass by. And the pressure is just a-building in the loins of private Weston. He again approaches his sergeant. "Serg, you just gotta give me some leave or I'm gonna bust."
The sergeant says, "Look boy, I told ya, if you want some action, go use the camel."
Weston goes over to the camel. He walks behind it and sees all the fleas and dirt surrounding the camel's butt. "Nope, still not that desperate," he says to himself and walks away.
More weeks go by and Private Weston once again approaches his sergeant. Before he can speak, the sergeant yells, "Look Weston, I'm not telling you again. Either use the camel or forget it!"
Chastised, Private Weston goes to the camel. "Well at least its a large, furry, female mammal", he thinks. He walks behind the camel and goes at it.
After he's done, the sergeant walks up to him, visibly shaken and says, "Look, man, the others use the camel to ride into town and pick up girls."
He was promoted to Colonel a week later.