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After Goldilocks broke into the three bears house, Momma and Poppa bear smacked Baby bear for leaving the door unlocked. Baby bear's squeals were reported to Children's Services and the three were hauled into court.
Momma bear and Poppa bear blamed each other for the unbearable abuse and, having separated, each asked for custody of Baby bear.
In a kindly voice, the Judge asked Baby Bear "Do you want to live with your mother?"
Baby bear shook his head. "No, Momma bear beats me."
"Then would you like to live with your father?" asked the Judge.
"No," said Baby bear. "He beats me too."
"Well," says the Judge, "who do you want to live with?"
Baby Bear thinks for a moment. "The Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody."