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Fellow shows up at work Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss, figuring the guy got in a fight at a bar asks him, "Where'd you get the shiners?"
"Got 'em both in church yesterday."
"In church!?! How in the world did you manage to get two black eyes in church?"
"Well, the preacher called a hymn and as we all stood up to sing, I noticed the lady standing in front of me. Her dress was sort of stuck in the crack of her ass, so I reached out and pulled it out for her. She turned around and slugged me in the right eye."
"Well, how'd you get the other one?"
"Well, I figured if she got that mad from me pulling the dress out of the crack of her ass, I'd better put it back."