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A family is sitting around the supper table.
The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of penises are there?"
The mother surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband and answers, "Well, dear, like women, men go through phases, too. In a man's twenties, his penis is like an oak, mighty and hard with it's sturdy acorns. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up & the balls just hang there for decoration!"