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The police department received a call at 1A.M. from a professor at the local university who reported a break-in. "The man was a huge brute," the professor reported. "He ripped the covers off the bed and found me sleeping naked. He looked at me in the most vile possible way and then he exposed this incredibly large penis."
"That sounds awful," The sympathetic police clerk responded.
"That's not the worst part. He made me put that disgusting thing in my mouth, then he turned me over and shoved it up my ass until I felt like I would split in two. Then he pissed all over me."
"We'll send a squad over right away to look for him," the clerk said.
"Oh, you don't have to do that," the professor said. He's in the shower now. Why don't you just come over and pick him up in the morning."